Discover how the 3 C's affect your ability to handle challenges
Some say that adults make about 35 000 choices every day. I don’t know which patient soul took the time to count, but the point is, we make a lot of daily decisions.
And because we face a constant barrage of options, our brains look for ways to make things simpler. It might take 10 minutes to decide what to eat in a restaurant but if every decision took that long, it would be hard to get anything done!
So, our very efficient brains get really good at finding ways to manage excessive information. We develop habits which remove a lot of conscious thought. If you always exercise first thing in the morning, it becomes something you “just do”. You don’t act based on how you feel or if there’s enough time. It’s simply part of a routine that always happens.
Repeating activities until we are skilled is another way of reducing the thinking load. Do you remember when you first learned to drive or play a musical instrument? It took all your concentration. But after years of performing those same actions over and over again, you have familiarity and muscle memory to help get the “job” done. You can literally drive to your destination with no recall of the journey.
Our thinking patterns also become habitual in the drive for efficiency. We develop thinking styles that become our default responses to certain triggers. A sort of mental signature.
Everyday life is full of stressors and we all use some automated ways to manage. These “brain efficient” strategies are developed over time and informed by things like our personality, how we were raised and how the people around us deal with stress.
The 3 C’s define the different mental responses we may show when faced with challenges. Becoming aware of our default responses empowers us to change especially if our “go-to” strategies aren’t serving us well. Let’s take a look at what they are:
#1 Cave
This is what we do when we face a problem and feel completely overwhelmed by it. We have no idea how to handle it and so we give in or give up. We focus on the problem and adopt a victim mindset in which we feel trapped, helpless and unable to find a way forward.
#2 Cope
Coping is when we acknowledge a problem but decide to “get on with it” anyway. We put on a brave face and find a way to manage even though we are struggling inside. We continue to “show up” as though all is fine and well.
Coping has been one of my “go to” strategies. Despite years of struggles with back pain, I have often crossed a reasonable threshold of pain and continued to do something when I clearly should have stopped.
Caving and coping may be OK as initial or temporary responses but neither enable us to move forwards. Another more effective way to do that is with a conquering mindset.
#3 Conquer
This goes beyond acknowledging and accepting or ignoring a problem. This is when we find our inner David in the face of Goliath and determine how to move forwards. We work the problem. We become solution oriented. We put down the victim mindset and coping strategies and armour up in a healthy way.
Conquering may mean going beyond our own resources. It may involve reaching out to friends, support groups or even professional help. It almost certainly involves some exploration and researching of possibilities.
……….…
In today’s world, there are some very powerful messages about acceptance and understanding in a number of arenas including race, gender and neurodiversity to name a few.
The collective challenge we face is to how to move forwards with purpose. Not to get stuck in the victim mindset where we complain or attack others who are not suitably supportive. Not resort to the coping mindset where we feel compelled to hide behind a mask. But shift into a conquering outlook where we change the conversation and become part of the solution. A proactive, intentional approach to defeating the Goliaths in our world.
Of course, this is not easy but I leave you with a quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s citizenship speech for some inspiration:
“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
To a conquering mindset!
Linda
Linda is a Speech and Language Therapist with a Masters in Human Communication. She works with neurodivergent people who want to develop their emotional well-being, communication & people skills. You can find out more at www.autismroutemap.com
Disclaimer
This blog post is for educational purposes and should not be taken as medical or therapeutic advice. If you need medical or therapeutic support, please consult your medical practitioner or therapist.
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