Speak So Your Child Will Listen

During lock-down, when the world went quiet, we had some spare time to fill. To keep the boredom gremlins at bay, my children started an online French course and invited me to join them. The first few lessons were a dream. Those 2 years of high-school French were enough to carry me through with confidence. But it quickly reached the point where I was lagging behind and couldn’t keep up with the pace. Our online tutor spoke words at machine-gun pace in sentences which were meaningless to me. It was just a barrage of sound. What happened next? I lost interest. Quickly!

Autistic children often have differences in their ability to process information. It is not uncommon for them to have strengths in visual processing but weaknesses in auditory processing. Simply put, they tend to understand better when information is shown to them.

Spoken language with no supporting visual cues can be difficult to decode. This challenge is not always easy to spot. And that’s because children often use any available visual information. Context is hugely helpful. Your child may, for example, see you moving towards the door, keys and bag in hand, and realise that you’re going out. That may well be the signal to put their shoes on rather than actually hearing you tell them to put their shoes on. So, children can give the appearance of understanding spoken instructions when it's not really the case.

You may be wondering whether there is anything we can do to support children with this profile of skills. The answer is a resounding yes! Read on for some practical strategies that you can start doing today.  

Slow it Down

Especially if you are a fast talker! Slowing down gives children extra processing time which increases the likelihood of them understanding your message. This does not mean slowing down to the point of disrupting the normal rhythm of speech. Keep it natural!

Name First

Saying your child’s name before you start speaking helps them to tune in so they are listening from the outset. So rather than, “Pick up your trains”, try “Joe, pick up your trains”.  

Simple Language

Keeping language simple reduces processing demands. When I was learning French, the processing demands became too much once we got past the simple stages. And you know how that turned out! Aim to give one main piece of information at a time. Try, for example, “Lets read a book” rather than, “Let’s read a book and then we can go play outside with the buckets and spades”.

Also, try to use language which refers to the here and now. Talking about things your child is playing with or doing now means they will be able to see what you are referring to. That visual information is not available when you are referring to things that aren’t present or may be happening later on in the day.  

Pause

Pausing allows your child time to process what you have said. If your child doesn’t respond immediately, wait before doing or saying anything else. It can feel unnatural because we are not comfortable with long silences but it may be just what your child needs!

Repeating not Rephrasing

If, after pausing your child still doesn’t respond, repeat the exact same words. We naturally tend to rephrase when we say something for the second time. So, for example, if you get no response to “James, put your shoes on” you may well say something like, “James I told you to put your shoes on”. The problem with rephrasing is that your child now has to process a whole new piece of information. So, stick to the same words even if it feels odd.  

Competing Noise

Background or competing noises place extra processing demands on your child. Autistic children often have difficulty distinguishing between speech and background noise. So, if you’re at home, switch off the TV or the music when speaking to your child. If you’re out and about, for example at a play venue, party or shopping centre, where you have no control over noise levels, do your best to cue your child in or move away from the noise source if you can.

By implementing these strategies, you will reduce the processing demands and increase the likelihood that your child will listen when you speak. 

And most important of all, in the words of Brooke Hampton, “Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.”

To you and your parenting journey!

Linda Philips

Parenting Autism

https://www.parentingautismcoach.com

Parenting Autism supports parents of young autistic children with coaching and training to improve communication, interaction, and emotional regulation skills. Interested in knowing how we can help? Contact [email protected] or book a free strategy call here.