The key to managing stress that we aren’t taught about
I recall a particular day a few years ago, when my two children were engaged in a full-scale battle. You know the kind where accusations fly through the air like invisible spears? Things took a turn for the worse and one child pushed the other. My inner parent suddenly leapt into action and what happened next was most unexpected ...
“Use your words!”, I exclaimed in a desperate attempt to end the mother of all arguments. At which point … my children both burst out laughing! Not exactly what I was expecting but … it did have the desired effect. I looked at them totally bemused. What could possibly have prompted that reaction?
My daughters told me that they had been watching the film, Parental Guidance. It’s a comedy in which two grandparents fumble their way around modern child rearing practises whilst looking after the grandchildren. They are given a quick parenting lesson before the grandchildren arrive … where their daughter tries to explain by saying, “so instead of saying, quit your wining, say, use your words”.
Like most parents, I have devoted a lot of energy to teaching my children what to say and do so that they are socially acceptable. I too was parented in this way. Say “please” and “thank you”. Eat with your mouth closed. Tidy up after yourself. You should never ask someone what they earn. Tread carefully when conversation veers toward religion or politics.
I’m not questioning whether these lessons are necessary or not. Of course, they are. We don’t want a society filled with inconsiderate people with no awareness of boundaries. But, to what extent are we equipping children with everything they need when we focus only on words and actions?
How many lessons did you receive as a child on how to think? If your childhood was anything like mine, I’m guessing that wasn’t a strong focal point. You may struggle to remember a single discussion dedicated to “thinking”. After all, thinking doesn’t have consequences. Or does it?
Just because we can’t see what someone is thinking doesn’t mean it has no power. We can’t see the wind and yet, hurricanes can snap large trees as though they are tiny twigs and flatten houses in a matter of seconds. Not being able to see something is no case for diminishing its impact.
The serial killer must first think before committing a gruesome crime. The surgeon must first think before operating on the patient. The teacher must first think before teaching the class. Thinking is the powerhouse that fuels our actions.
And if thinking affects everything we do (including how we feel), then surely we should learn how to do it well?
Consider for a moment how you treat your body. You know that it needs good nutrition, sleep and exercise to function well. You know that eating junk food, depriving yourself of sleep and becoming a couch potato has consequences. Why? Because, for the most part, you can see the consequences.
Our thinking also has consequences. But there is no mental scale to tell you if you have put on a few pounds. The result? We become mentally flabby and unfit.
And in the same way, that you cannot bench press weights or run 10 miles if you are physically unfit, so you cannot successfully handle the challenges of life if you are mentally unfit.
So, what does it mean to be mentally fit? It means that you should treat your mind as an athlete treats their body. What are you consuming mentally? If your mental diet consists of large quantities of depressing news or trashy films, then you need to adjust. If the people you spend time with always moan and complain, then you need to consider how much time is spent in their company.
The odd McDonalds hamburger or chocolate milkshake is fine but too many and there are consequences. Likewise, your mental diet can cope with some junk but the bulk of the diet needs to be healthy. If there is a lot of negative content going in, find a way to increase your intake of positive information and cut down on the negative.
Given the implications of the Corona Virus on a global scale, this may sound like a ridiculous or even impossible suggestion. People everywhere have been through the mill – physically, financially, socially, emotionally, recreationally … I could keep going.
But now more than ever, we need to protect and fortify our minds. When a nation is threatened with war, they batten down the hatches. They deploy the military. They do the necessary. And so must we.
So, turn your attention to the things that feed your soul. Look for the positive around you. Write down affirmations and motivating quotes. Spend time on your hobby. Nurture your faith. Read inspiring books. Learn something new. Intentionally manage your relationship with negative influences.
In the next post, I’ll share some thoughts about how we can develop healthy thinking in response to the challenges we face.
Til then,
Linda Philips
MSc. Human Communication
Autism Routemap supports autistic and neurodiverse people with coaching and training to improve communication, interaction, and emotional regulation skills. Interested in knowing how we can help?
Contact [email protected] or book a free Turning Point call here.
