The truth about emotions that most people don’t know
If you’ve lived for a minute, you’ve probably seen the words “keep calm and carry on” written somewhere. That was the slogan put out by the British government to prepare people for World War 2. More recently, it makes for good marketing and you can find it’s cousin on just about anything from socks for woman in labour (“keep calm and push”) to mugs for stressed out teachers (“keep calm and pretend it’s on the lesson plan”).
I know the intention is good but actually, it’s terrible advice! As some wise soul said, “never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down”.
Staying calm is about keeping things under wraps. But emotions are unpredictable. They make us feel vulnerable. And in a heightened emotional state, we are prone to saying or doing things that we later regret. So, we resort to control.
Through our childhood years and beyond, we are very likely to hear messages like, “boys don’t cry”, “calm down”, “don’t worry”, “stop being angry”, “man up”, “don’t make a fuss” … to name a few.
But emotional inhibition is associated with some rather nasty consequences. Aside from insomnia, anxiety and raised blood pressure, it has also been linked to premature death1. On the flip side, good emotional expression is linked to longevity2.
Most of us tend to view emotions as either good (love, happiness, excitement) or bad (anger, fear, worry). This is partly because we like some more than others. But liking something doesn’t make it positive or negative. I loathe fish and eggs, but I don't dispute that they are good for me.
We may also view some emotions as bad because we’ve seen them being used negatively. Emotions like anger and hatred can easily be misused as weapons to manipulate, destroy and hurt others.
The truth is that all our emotions serve a purpose. We are wonderfully equipped with a messaging system which lets us know how life is going. Emotions are the brains way of drawing our attention to things of significance so that we can act in response. They are a call to action!
Ignoring these messages, as far as your brain is concerned, is like not hearing them. Your brain will keep sending the signals (escalated if necessary) until you respond.
There is a reason why we struggle to sleep when stressed. This is the perfect time for your brain to remind you of all the things that need your attention.
You’ve heard the saying “don’t shoot the messenger”? Well that’s a much better option for emotional health than “keep calm and carry on”. Your emotions are messages which need to be heard.
Knowing your triggers and tuning in to your emotions is the start to finding effective strategies for emotional health and wellness. Poor awareness can result in distraction behaviours which we use to numb our pain. Things like comfort eating, excessive shopping, busyness, over-working, alcohol or drug abuse may be attempts to self soothe in order to feel better. Unfortunately, they are only short-term fixes and the underlying issues remain unresolved. Left for too long, we can develop mood problems over time.
If emotions were easy to understand and manage, I think society would look very different. But just because something is not easy, doesn’t mean that we can’t develop skill sets with work and practise.
Emotional understanding and management is an area that many autistic people find challenging. Given the high prevalence of mood disorders in the autistic population, it is clearly something that still needs a lot of research and clarity.
We know that the traditional view of autistic people lacking empathy has often been confused with differences in the way that empathy is shown. Many autistic individuals are in fact highly empathic.
Alexithymia, a condition defined as the inability to recognise or describe one’s emotions occurs in approximately 50% of autistic people. Consequently, autistic people may need other avenues, such as tuning in to physical sensations to decode emotional states.
Whatever our limitations, I believe that emotional understanding and management is a key skill for us to develop because there will always be situations that require them. In the words of singer-songwriter Van Morrison, “my momma told me there’ll be days like this.”
To all our emotions!
Linda Philips
MSc. Human Communication
If you’d like to apply for a place in the next coaching group which will focus on developing understanding and strategies for emotional health, then click here to register your details.
References
- Chapman BP, Fiscella K, Kawachi I, Duberstein P, Muennig P. Emotion suppression and mortality risk over a 12-year follow-up. J Psychosom Res. 2013;75(4):381-385. doi:10.1016/j.jpsychores.2013.07.014
- Kato K, Zweig R, Barzilai N, Atzmon G. Positive attitude towards life and emotional expression as personality phenotypes for centenarians. Aging (Albany NY). 2012;4(5):359-367. doi:10.18632/aging.100456
